“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hello to all my loyal followers, and hello to any newcomers.
Now that the spring semester has begun, most of my time and energy will be funneled into school, especially since I am trying to secure my graduation for May. This unfortunately means less posts, and allotting any free time I have to writing my novel, so I apologize for the lack of posts over the next few months.
I’m finding that this is a very unnerving time in my life where there is much uncertainty for the future, and fear of this unknown. It is not so much the typical scenario for all youth where there is a dilemma in not knowing ones purpose or passion. Its more of an anxiety brought on by the apparent lack of opportunity after a life of trying to produce just the opposite. This discomfort brings me to what I wish to talk about today.
I see it in others and I see it in myself. Very often we believe that we are stuck in life. We don’t think we can get out of our career choice, our job, our relationship, our geography, our finances, or anything at all. Perhaps the mindset comes from knowing that these situations were completely circumstantial, which often is the main factor controlling where we end up in life at some point, despite our best efforts, and despite what we’re told about things like hard work and perseverance. But recently I was reminded of something, and it prompted me to take my own advice.
I’ve seen horrific things that people must endure on this plane of existence, things I will not go into detail. I’ve been fortunate enough, and thankful for having a life in which I did not have to go through these things, and yet still be able to learn something from being a bystander. What I’ve learned from these people is that there always is a choice, no matter what. There really are no excuses.
I must convey what making a choice actually entails here. When you are depressed for example, you do not simply decide to start feeling better and make it so the day after. This is what many people mistakenly say to others, especially those who have never been through great hardship (or for those who have and see this as a way to avoid their baggage rather than working with it and truly moving on). Change doesn’t work like that here. For some, it takes an entire lifetime to bring forth some manifestation, or a change in destiny. For these people, it was between that and never breaking free, and they chose freedom. With this, you are presented with the option to let life happen to you, or to gather up some courage for the long haul. I suppose everyone is different, but I would rather have a life trying to get somewhere. I would not want to give my power over to circumstance. I do not believe thats what I, or any of us were meant to do. As the saying goes, “After all, none of us are getting out alive anyway”. In the end it didn’t matter what occurred for the people who took control of their destiny. What mattered was that they acknowledged their position, had a conversation with themselves, and started looking for a way to make a change. They evaluated what was worth taking and what was worth leaving behind.
I have no idea if this will strike a chord with any of you at this time. Perhaps it does for some time in your past, or perhaps it will somewhere down the line in your future. Either way, I felt compelled to say something about this.
For me personally, there is this feeling of being lost, but not in life, in another way entirely. I recently heard someone present the question “Where is my Joy?”. Yes, where is my joy? Where is that old friend? For me, it is misplaced in the distractions and the checklists and the obligations. I warn myself not to disconnect from the path that leads me to my bliss, because when I do, I could temporarily lose my way back to that. This is where I find myself now. Overcoming this may be the way to dislodge myself from the clingy sap of self doubt, mistrust, and disappointment.
Perhaps getting back to oneself in this way is not as complicated as it feels. There’s a song by my favorite artist Aurora I wish to share that resonates with this.
In her song, it is extremely frank, and yet so eloquently put.
“I know I can. Thats why I do it.”
Featured image credited to Folkert Gorter
People often ask me where the name of my website “iridescent souls” comes from. It is not something that I chose simply because I like the way it sounded or for the unique ring it has. It is actually an intrinsic part of Metanoia, the novel I have been writing.
Something drew me to the concept of iridescence long before I began writing Metanoia in 2013. For reasons unknown, I found the word strolling through my mind without cause. I suppose some writers have a fondness for certain words as a result of their love for the craft, but this didn’t provide a full explanation for me. I felt close to it. Something about it resonated with an unseeable chord. Perhaps it was because I thought it was beautiful, or intriguing, or maybe both. Recently, I had tried to put it into words in the journal I use for novel/blog synthesis:
“It’s this scattered, multifaceted energy that I experience in moments of clarity (ironically). One day I feel as though I could collaborate with graphic artists to make some of my ideas for illustrations and music videos a reality. Another day, something at school inspires me, and I want to apply for a grant to investigate environmentally friendly bottom paint for boats. Another day I am daydreaming about Metanoia, or numerology, or quantum physics and the holographic universe. But as I go from one moment to the next, it is not just the thoughts that shift and flicker, but also a state of being that transitions. Its almost as if I tapped into some sort of frequency that has several different hats, all of which lead to a creation. Each phase resonates a different wavelength, but comes from the same source, like a rock that is fragmented and cleaved to sparkle with several different colors, depending on how you look at it.”
Is this a personality disorder, or a symptom of the path I’ve taken in 2013, which is open to a limitless potential, pursuing the goal of a personal ascension?
When the story came to me in a huge rush from beginning to end, with the intricate overlying concept weaved through it all, iridescence found a place in the scheme. In Metanoia, iridescence has its own unique place in a categorical system of souls. It is described as the medium that exists between two worlds: that of the angelic realm, and what I call the ‘soul collective’, which includes nearly everyone. This space is an area where the soul has no specific role, and sort of drifts through existence in an uncharacterized way. When the soul incarnates, they can’t help but find themselves outside of the norm, either by choice or physical circumstance. They float around in this in-between reality in which theres no true label to cling to, or no one designation to belong in. They simply be. As a result of this, their perspective exceeds that of the interpersonal, day-to-day existence. They’re pushed into a standpoint that encompasses the bigger picture, becoming a bystander that watches from the outside, and experiences a completely different truth as a result. It is no better or worse really, just different.
I suppose this creation of mine is a projection of how I understand the concept of iridescence. Its a word that doesn’t get a lot of attention despite its potential to invoke interesting imagery and feelings.
This all may sound confusing to some of you out there. I still feel as though there is a part to all of this that is uncommunicable. However, I did the best I could. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to pin it down more into something easier to understand.
As always, thank you for reading and joining me through all of this. If this was interesting to you, or you have something you’d like to share, don’t refrain from doing so. I wish everyone a lovely week, and don’t forget to embrace your own unique iridescence.