Life as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

I wince at the roar of machines churning, the walls of my basement shaking. Others are numb to it, but to me this defilement of the environment is likened to a dentist drilling into someone’s gums, the churning teeth and veins the same as butchered wood and roots. It is all a bloody, gory mess either way. For me, this is what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

For those who consider themselves a HSP, loud noises and large crowds are a common deterrence, but for someone who is spiritually and emotionally connected to the Earth like me, the abuse the environment takes every day is a particular nuisance. It’s not easy being a HSP and living where I live. Now that it’s summer, someone in the neighborhood is always cutting down a tree, pounding down into the earth to get rid of it’s roots for some project out of self service. As if they don’t have enough non-indigenous plants that require loads of chemicals and water rather than using the space and resources to feed themselves, Earth’s ultimate gift to humanity. I’ve always said that humans are a species that rake up leaves so that they can put down fertilizer. Everything we do is backwards and without consideration.

Where I live, the population is 7.6 million, higher than the country of Norway, on a piece of land that spans 118 miles. It wears on someone like me, and there is not a passing moment where I am desperate to leave the bickering, angry people who do not even realize just how unhappy they are, that life is not a fixed state but something ever-changing and separate from their perceived reality. It is the collective unconscious that I seek to escape, the people who do not want to ask questions, who do not work on themselves and merely exist for empty pleasures.

On a side note, I’m here because there’s no longer a place in the country where a recent college graduate can live off of minimum wage while looking for a job in their field (if you know of a place near the coast, let me know).

Most are numbed, and raised to accept the desecration of nature. They are completely disconnected in their minds and hearts, although not in their physicality as science refutes this. Atoms in your body are derived from the universe, with our planet being our closest relative. Everything is recycled and necessary for a healthy biome, and since humans live here and were created here, they are not above this.

As a HSP, I feel this without a choice, and I walk around with a wall around me just so that I don’t get sick, but this is no way to live. I sometimes wonder if I don’t know who I truly am, as I’ve never been able to live in a constant outward expression of authenticity, although I’ve been doing the best I can to slowly put pieces of myself together to see the whole picture. Walls make it difficult to reach out to anything, to open up and experience what is left, or meant to be experienced.

Perhaps what is worse about everything is that us highly sensitive people are also expected to not be bothered by these things amidst a world of desensitized zombies. It is not normal to be on edge, to be tired, to not want to go out into loud clamoring nonsense. I hear the voice of the collective unconscious, the voice we’ve created, it says “Now go behave and party your evenings away until you no longer have the capacity to think or feel. You do not need real relationships, only people to pass the time with. Also, make sure you have a job that supports this habit, and don’t forget the gym membership. Running on a treadmill for 2 hours burns more calories than a stroll through nature. You’ll need that from all the drinking.” Now, I never partake in this atmosphere because it is in complete dissonance to my being, but it’s a constant roar that can be heard in the background, a thriving culture for much of the human population.

If by any chance you are a HSP and have a blog, I challenge you to write a post about what it’s like for you. Include whatever you want in it, whether it’s a focus on what deters you the most, or additional thoughts on the matter. Tag me in the post or let me know so that I see what your input is. If you don’t have a blog, let me know by leaving a comment.

Featured image by Ryan Wilson 

The Utility of Doubt, Lethargy, and Other Perceived Negatives

Lately I have had one subject come back to me repeatedly over the last few weeks. It came at the right time when I felt, and still feel like I have no time to accomplish my goals and dreams, that each minute not spent writing, or not looking for jobs in my field is time wasted, that every move I do not make is a step backward. What I’ve been shown through accounts that I follow and through the guidance of others are the necessary functions that doubt and inertia offer.

You may already be aware of these functions, or think they are obvious, but they easily go unnoticed despite their transparency. For example, there are instances where doubt is necessary to attain true confidence. When you experience doubt, you are asking the right questions, and taking the right initiatives. You are pushed to think about the things that need to be dealt with in order to achieve a goal. With this process of self checking and examination, you can eventually find yourself in a validated place. The same works for when you have writers block, or when you find that you can’t bring yourself to complete a task. When you experience one of these ruts, it is best not to fight against it. Stillness, meditation, and remaining quiet can birth ideas and action:

“Taking attention away from your goals brings you to a state of receptivity”                                                                                        -Wisdom of the Oracle

    Trust in the timing of your life is also necessary. There are going to be times of traffic and red lights, and times of green lights and accelerated lanes. Fighting against this natural flow that cannot be changed is exhausting, and a waste of effort.

It is also in this way that our perceived enemies become our allies. The more a negative force is applied, the more light that wants to shine through the fissures. I will soon be approaching a scene in my writing where I directly address this concept, using the example of a fallen angel and a guardian who become entangled in a dark dance. After the most intense suffering subjected to the guardian from the dark entity’s intent, the bringer of light calls out “How does it make you feel? That the more you exert your darkness onto me, the brighter my dim light shines in it’s shadow?”

So you see, if it was not for polarity, for the opposing forces you’re up against, your light would not shine as bright. Just remember that the next time you have someone or something giving you a hard time. The challenge is your chance to shine.

If you like my work and would like to see my creative projects come to fruition, please support me on Patreon.

New Pages – Playlist for Writers!

For this week’s post, I would like to introduce two new pages that I added to my site. I have a variety of followers that come from several different backgrounds, but many tend to be fellow writers. For this reason, I wish to share something that is an indispensable part of my creative process. I have made a ‘Playlists for Writers’ page with songs that have been particularly helpful for me, and might be beneficial to you, whether it’s for writing or any other kind of creative work. Here is an example of a playlist that you can find on my page:

I’ve also added a page for anyone who would like to support me and my writing. There you can find a banner to sign up for Inboxdollars, an easy way to make some cash online. There is also a link to Thrive Market, an online store for those who want organic food at a price that falls within their budget. Signing up through either of these links will help to feed me, and to raise money for the illustrations that I need professionally done for my novel.

This might be the last post for a while, as I have a wedding and road trip planned for next week. I hope everyone has a lovely week and fulfilling weekend!

 

 

 

Who Are We?

   I cleaned out from under my bed today. Everything under there was from elementary school (somehow, at age 22). It seems as though I was quick to throw away middle school, but not so much my elementary years. I can recall having a fulfilling 5th grade. I had 3 best friends, one of which was in my class. Even though life got strange at times, I felt capable despite insecurities and obstacles. Right after that, all three friends moved, my muse died (I was a creative kid), and I distinctly remember going into every department store and finding nothing that would fit me, a metaphor for the times.

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I was a better artist at 10 than I am now apparently.

   Despite having a fond recollection, I look back and I feel detached from this person. I cannot connect to the photos or memories, although they are still strong and clear in my mind. I’ve never been one to dwell on the past, “It distracts from the now” as Edna from The Incredibles famously stated.

   Several weeks before this mass removal of childhood paraphernalia, I found myself dwelling on the little known fact that all the atoms in our body are recycled every 7 years or so. It was a topic I naturally gravitated towards given my recent checkpoint in life. We are not made up of the same composition we had when we were born. Everything was replaced, and deposited somewhere to maintain a general form. In this sense, we do not have the same exact makeup when we were seven either, or during our favorite adolescent memories compared to now. Even the expression of our DNA can alter slightly when environmental cues turn certain genes on and off  (This is called epigenetics in science. In a spiritual sense of ascension, it is called DNA activation).

   For me, there is this disconnect, and relation existing simultaneously. It’s as if it is already a past life, with a line of consciousness connecting all physical states of being, holding them together. Coincidentally, my Uncle sent me a quote from James Gleick he thought I’d like that pertains to all of this. It states “Mind must be a sort of dynamical pattern, not so much founded in a neurological substrate as floating above it, independent of it.”

Perhaps past lives are like that when we die and finally remember what we are. Although these past character states used to be our most recent self at one point, we moved on and no longer associate it with our compete identity. Perhaps our identity is more of what we are now and where we are going than what has happened to us and what we previously experienced.

Who are we, or perhaps, what are we? Just a thought…